It's The Little Things...Like Staying Alive

I don't think I have ever not cared about how I looked more than I do now. This surgery has sucked every bit of life out of me. I would lay in bed thinking about what outfit I would wear in the morning, physically restrain myself from going into Nordstrom's shoe department, and was continually on the quest for the shiniest lip gloss ever.

What the fuck? I guess I realized that the little things people spend their time worrying about are so trivial compared to the real world.

I spent 2 days vomiting blood, desperately trying to hold my composure while various residents and interns found it necessary to ask me every humiliating question possible while 3 other patients were in the ER room with me. And I was worried about LIP GLOSS?

It's not that I gave up, it's that while I'm not feeling well, I don't want to live up to anyone's expectations. I don't give a fuck if I wear scrubs to Super Target, or no makeup to Walgreens. I don't give a fuck.

When I'm feeling better I will step back into my cork wedges. But I hope I don't lose sight of the truly important things...like staying alive.